I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
