piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
