Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize