Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
