my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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