if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
