Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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