this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
