My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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