I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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