This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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