hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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