Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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