just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
