I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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