why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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