I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
