I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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