I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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