I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
