i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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