It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just pee around me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
