i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
