some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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