just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
