I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
