omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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