you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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