I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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