It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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