just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
His nipple licking is glorious
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