I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
