Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my shit smells like andre
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The uberlube is also flammable
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
