You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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