so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
