I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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