wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
