oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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