I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
