My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
