maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
