I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
