I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
