Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
