that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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