You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
