She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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