would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
