I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize