Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
