I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
