someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
