Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize