I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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