yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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