im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
