she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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