my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
