Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
