the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need water and some morals
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
