help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
