I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
