Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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