you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
