i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
