I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
