Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
