i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize